What could have been


I am venting my own frustration in this post today.  There are so many things that I could allow to get under my skin but I try really hard not to stress about stuff.  I just surrender things to God and allow Him to work out the details after I have done my part in any matter.

Today during my running time I had to recognize why I was so frustrated with someone near and dear to me in my life.  It was only then that I could surrender them and my frustration to God.  I have a lovely person in my life who has never been able to find who they are in Christ or make much of any forward progress in their walk due to severe self-consciousness and low self-worth.  I am not around this person daily but when I spend some time with them, the way they devalue themselves makes me angry!  I recognized this morning that all of my good intentions of trying to help them heal from self-loathing (including prayer, counsel, purchasing reading material for them, daily spiritual coverage, etc.) is being over-ridden by their lack of recognizing their intense need to change.

I passed the pond this morning and there were a group of geese of all different colors and sizes surrounding one large, black goose.  It was motionless and obviously sick or wounded but not yet dead.  The other geese had gently, lovingly surrounded that goose and were crying softly over it before it had even passed away.  As I ran passed them, I realized that that was exactly what was happening to me!  I was grieving the loss of someone who has not yet died.  I am grieving the loss of the beautiful, vibrant life they could have had if they had just been willing to be healed.  I am mourning over the years wasted over their worry that they had dressed incorrectly (comparing themselves to how everyone else was dressed).  I am heartsick over the years they changed their minds over what to eat, where to go, and the ability to share their own opinion out of fear of what others’ would think.  I am sad because they truly don’t think that they are worth it even though they have the awareness that Jesus died for them and have salvation!

So this morning, I let go.  I let go of wanting them to be healed more than they want it.  I let go of wanting them to love themselves.  I let go of the idea that they will one day be set free.  I wanted it way more than they wanted it for themselves.  So I will allow them the freedom and choice of staying tied to the chain that holds them to the ground.  As I let go, I knew that the only thing God wants me to do now is to love them unconditionally for who they are now with no expectation that they will ever change before they meet Jesus face to face.  Some people just don’t want to do the work or even care to understand it all.  Jesus understood this all to well:

John 5:6 (NIV)
When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?”

So today I will start anew with this beautiful person in my life.  I will only love…..and that is it.  I will no longer ask if they want to be well.

I am assuming that this must be speaking to someone else out there today besides me.  If this is speaking to you, recognize your grieving over their lives.  It may be a close relative, or friend.  If it are frustrated and grieving,  please take a minute and release the person.  I encourage you to just walk in love with them today.

Be blessed.


  1. Oh this so resonates with me and the Lord has been speaking to me too about being love to this person or persons. I am “starving my thoughts” as your book suggests. Instead of mulling things over in my mind over and over again. I am laying it down, worshipping the Lord instead. It is a constant battle that I am sure will get easier as I continue to yield to Him. Thanks for sharing.


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